Brianna Marie

After several years had gone by, we had settled into our lives and I had kinda gave up on ever adopting again. One afternoon my sister and I were sitting visiting and the phone rang. It was the sister in law of some of our friends, we were friends also, but didn't talk that often. She asked if Don and I were interested in adopting again. I was floored! I said YEA, of course we would be. My sister was standing there in shock. We just hugged and cried. Her daughter was working with a lady, and her daughter was young, pregnant, and wanted to give the baby up for adoption. I said please, let her know we would love to adopt the baby. Their daughter, Jess, called me later and explained the situation to me. She was confident that she wanted to do this, the baby was due in about 4 months. Due date of Sept. 11th. Jess called consistently letting us know how things were going, how the doctors appointments were going. Things were going right on track. I was scared and leery. It seemed things were going a little too well. We had our attorney get things going. Now we just wait, and wait. We hadn't heard what the baby was going to be, like we really cared, but the birth mother hadn't had the desire to know. She had taken very good care of herself, and was just disconnected from it. I probably would be too in her situation. We know nothing about the birth father. He wasn't around and so our attorney had to deal with the legal issues that involved. The birth mother decided that she wanted to meet me before the baby was born, I agreed. Just waited on a time that was good for her. I was working one afternoon about a month before the baby was due. Jess called me, and said they had done an ultrasound today, it was going to be a GIRL! I was so excited! On my lunch break, I ran and got a big pink baby foot balloon that said It's a Girl! and a little pink teddy bear, I ran over to where Don was working. When I got there he was on the roof of a building he was working on. I jumped out with the balloon and yelled for him. He couldn't get off the roof fast enough! We were so excited! It just made things more real, and we could get prepared for the baby to come. Jess gave me the ultrasound pics and other items that the birth mother had passed along through her. We still hadn't been able to meet. A couple weeks went by and we got a call one evening that she may be in labor. We were sitting by the phone all night, but no call. I called into work and told them that I wouldn't be in that day just in case. Later the next morning Jess called and said that she was in labor, and that the birth mother wanted to know if I wanted to go into the delivery room. I would love too! I anxiously got myself together, called Don, told him to meet me and Cole at the hospital. We called our attorney, he ran to the hospital to meet with the birth mother. Apparently they had all the documents there and signed. Jess called just as I was pulling into the hospital, there were some complications and they were taking the birth mother to surgery for a c-section. I wasn't going to be able to go into the delivery. I was disappointed, I won't lie, but the excitement far exceeded the disappointment. Don met us in the waiting room. Jess came and sat with us. All of the sudden, we see this baby come into the nursery, a newly delivered baby, but was it her?? Then we see our pediatrician walking over to her, checking her out. He looked at us through the window, and I said is she ours? He nodded and gave us the thumbs up! Don and I just started crying. She was perfect! We watched them bath her and bundle her up and lay her in the bed in front of us. I wanted to hold her so badly. My sister and nephews came and shared the moment with us. There was another family there awaiting their new arrival and I started talking to a lady standing next to me. They were looking at their bundle of joy who was laying next to ours. She realized that we were adopting this baby girl and was so excited for us. The stories of adoption can be such a special thing. Some people can't understand it, but most get really emotional and excited when they hear your story. A while later, she came walking up to me with a bag of clothing. She wanted us to have these things. It was a sweet gesture from a total stranger. Later on that afternoon, our attorney came to us, the papers were all signed, the birth mother was recovering well, and we could go and see our baby girl. The attorney had legal custody of her for the time being, and we were only allowed one bracelet to go and see her. Cole wasn't allowed in the nursery, so sadly he and Don sat outside the door while our attorney walked me in. They have a sitting room off the nursery. They placed her in my arms for the first time and I cried again. I walked over to the door and showed her to Don and Cole. Cole was upset that he couldn't come in, and it broke my heart. I told him that he would be able to hold her soon. I went into the sitting room and just held her, starring at her. She was so beautiful. After a short while I gave her back to the nurses and we just watched her through the window for a while. Later that evening, my sister took Cole and Don and I went back up to see her. They allowed Don to come in the nursery with me, and we sat with her. Watching Don hold her for the first time was magical just like the first time he held Cole. We held her for hours. The nurses finally came and told us that the birth mother was asking to see the baby so we had to hand her off. That's a scary and nervous thing. But, I was glad she was bonding with her, she had to know this was right for her. We had to try and prepare ourselves just in case, like with Cole, she changed her mind. I went back the next day and sat with her for a short time. The next morning we were going to be able to take Brianna home. I took her a special outfit and blanket. Don, Cole and I went to get our baby girl. I went down to the room of the birth mother and slowly walked into the room. I introduced myself and we small talked for a few moments. She seemed to be doing well, and feeling pretty good. I then asked her if she was still OK with everything, and she said yes. She explained that she knew this was the wrong time in her life to have a baby, that she wanted more for her. I thanked her for giving us such a precious gift. She said she was happy that she could do this for a special family that deserved a baby. It was so surreal. I told her if she ever wanted to know anything, pictures, all she had to do was tell Jess and we would be happy to send them to her. She thanked me. I asked her if I could give her a hug, she said yes. I hugged her tight and cried saying thank you so much. We then met with our attorney, I went into the nursery, dressed Brianna and we left the hospital. Out attorney had to carry her out of the hospital, being the guardian at the time. He handed her to us, and we took her home! What an experience it was. Those same emotions were there like when we brought Cole home. Brianna was and still is a very happy, smiley, bubbly little baby girl. She's a delight. Cole has been a great big brother! Of course she gets on his nerves. She "bugs" him like little sisters are suppose to do. Brianna turned 2 recently and she's a smart little thing. She has a huge vocabulary, repeats just about anything you say. I remember when she was about 1 1/2 years old, one morning I went in her room to get her up and she jumped up in her bed and said " mommy, Joshie caught fishie in da pond"! My parents live on a pond and the boys go fishing all the time. I was floored at that big sentence coming from this little baby. I sit and watch her on the baby monitor when she first wakes up, she sits there and talks and sings. It's precious.

John, Wanda and Dean have taken to her as if she was truly their own. Dean told everyone at his school that he had a new baby sister. They love her dearly too.

Brianna's birth mother asked for a picture shortly after she was born and we sent her one through Jess. We haven't heard from her again. I've asked periodically how she is doing and am told she's doing well. I pray she is. I hope she is blessed and comforted knowing that Brianna is loved so much by all of us. She should never doubt that she made the right choice. And I can't thank her enough for what she did for my family.

Could we adopt again?

We had wanted to adopt again... but how can we afford it? A situation like Cole was a once in a lifetime event! I searched, I googled, I did a family history to see if we qualified for an adoption with the Cheifs Council with the Indian Tribe my husbands family was connected to. It all takes money. It's so frustruating! How are families suppose to be able to adopt these children when the cost is so high? Years go by, and we settle in with our little family and we try to except that this is it, and it was good, but we wanted so much more. We didn't want Cole to grow up alone, we wanted him to have siblings that he would have relationships with as he grew older. Atleast he had Dean! For anyone out there who knows the trials and expense of adoption, I know you have dealt with the same issues. It's really frustruating. You feel like you have no options out there. There are organizations out there and you can find them. It's not easy, but I don't want anyone to give up hope that they can't have their family.

Open Family

Cole's grandparents and brother, Dean, come to see us every summer. So far it's been great for them to have that connection and relationship. I know that one day the questions will come and I'll be honest with him. But I also know I won't tell him the negative things that may change who he sees himself to be. But knowing he has a brother is so special to him, and I pray that it will benefit both of the boys throughout their lives. Having an open adoption with Cole has been great so far. And I feel that it's good for all of us. They love both of my children as their own grandchildren, not just Cole. And we love them dearly. It may not be for everyone, and nobody thinks that it may always be smooth sailing, but for now it's good and happy and comforts all of us to know we are their supporting eachother, loving eachother. John and Wanda didn't give up a grandson, they just gained an extended family along with him.

Cole

We have had a blast raising Cole. He has his struggles and issues, but he's adorable, lovable and caring. Something I hadn't really mentioned was that Cole's biological mother was a drinker and drug user. We didn't see any physical effects from this and were greatful that other than being premature he was healthy. As time went on and a few years under our belt we realized that he may have a few issues that we would need to deal with. They can't say that it was due to the drinking or drug use, but you always have to wonder. The first thing we realized was that he was struggling with concentrating, staying on task, very hyper. His Pre-K teacher was the first to say that he was really struggling. He always had these little things that were different, like wanting his belts really tight, (we didn't know how he could breath), his shoes had to be tied really tight. He was always a very picky eater. He ran a mile a minute and we just assumed it was just all about being a boy! But when it came to school, it was a problem. Cole was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 5 and we struggled with the idea of meds or no meds. We didn't want to put him on medication, didn't want him labeled. We didn't want him to have to deal with this at all, but it was what it was. We tried different herbal remedies out there, and researched anything we could to try and help him, but.. once in Kindergarten, it was uncontrollable. He was in trouble every day, he was struggling to learn, comprehend and he came home every day crying that he hated school. I remember crying and saying, "How can I have a 5 year old that hates school already?" Our hearts ached for him and we felt so helpless. We finally decided to try medication for Cole and we also changed to a different teacher that had more experience with children with the struggles like Cole had. He was maturity wise, behind and socially he struggled. Kids can be so mean. He wanted everyone to like him and would act out, clown around to get their attention. From what I have learned this isn't unusual in ADHD children. He improved, and the teacher did pass him through Kindergarten, but his progress was very minimal and we decided that it would be best for him to repeat Kindergarten and gain some more maturity. He did well then next year not perfect but we don't expect perfection. His teacher understood his little querks and allowed him to be himself as long as he wasn't disrupting anyone else. He's comical, he talks in all of these different little voices. He makes us laugh alot!
The thing with meds is there is always side effects. Cole's struggles were mainly weight and night terrors. We finally changed his meds around and that seemed to help mostly with the night terrors. He's a beanpole it's been and still is a struggle to get him to eat. You never know what will work and you just have to be patient to see if changing the meds is a good or bad move for your child. He was also put on medication to help him deal with anxiety. We finally seemed to find a balance and things were going well.
In the middle of 1st grade we moved from Georgia to Indiana. Once there we were confronted with the difference in education. They were already reading and so far ahead of where they were in Georgia, he started off struggling. He had a great teacher who worked with him relentlessly and he was getting there. With alot of effort and hard work, he was catching up. 2nd grade was about the same, a little behind and a few behavioral issues but we all survived. We were referred to a NeuroPsycholigist to verify what we truly were dealing with after a couple downslides with his meds. We then found out that Cole also was dealing with dyslexia, and was borderline Asperger's Syndrome. This is a form of Autism, that effects their social skills and comprehension.
We had a rough start to 3rd grade and we found that he wasn't getting the full effect from his meds anymore so we have changed them up again. He's doing better so far and only time will tell. He's such a sweet boy, overlooking those pre-teen attitude moments. He loves dinosaurs, reptiles and sharks. He says he's going to move to Australia when he grows up and be like Steve (crocodile hunter). He can give you facts about these animals like a encyclopedia. He cracks us up! We love him dearly, and can't imagine our lives with out him.

Heartache and Blessings

My husband and I were transferred to New York. We dreadfully moved there. We weren't happy about it. But, due to this move, I was diagnosed with cancer that had been overlooked in Georgia. So that was a blessing in disguise. I sat in New York for 3 years, miserable, depressed and lonely. I didn't go anywhere, see anyone. It was dreadful. There was a little pizza parlor down the street and I would occasionally talk with the lady, Carol, that owned it. She kept insisting that I come down and sit with her, and meet her friend Wanda. Finally one evening I did. I met Wanda, her husband and son, as well as her grandson Dean. They were raising him. Dean was 6 months old, and the most adorable little boy I'd ever seen. Wanda and I became great friends. Shortly after that we were sent back to Georgia. Wanda's son and his girlfriend, Dean's parents, were expecting again we had learned before we moved.
A couple months after we moved we recieved a phone call from Wanda. I remember it so well. It was a Saturday. Wanda began to explain that her son and his girlfriend had decided that they can not raise the new baby. She was due in 3 weeks, and they wanted to know if we would adopt the baby. Wanda already had custody of Dean and didn't think they could take care of two infants at this point in their lives, and knew we would keep the door open for them to have a relationship with their grandchild. We were SO EXCITED! It was a boy, and he was coming soon. We chose a name, Colton Jarrett. We rushed to an attorney and tried to hurry and get everything in order. We had nothing for a baby! We were totally unprepared, but we didn't care. The first attorney we spoke with wanted us to relocate the birthmother to Georgia, due to what is called Interstate Compact Committy. For those who do not know what this is.... it's an organization that monitors state to state adoptions. Basically redtape that can prolong the process if not done properly. Well, there is alot of rules to follow, you can't give the birthmother money, you can't even buy her a cheeseburger. We weren't sure how we would pull it off. We talked to another recommended attorney and she started the process for us.
Then the call came... the following Friday.. not even a week later. The baby was born! May 7th. It was mother's Day weekend. Don was already in New York on business. We didn't have paperwork or anything ready, I left a message for the attorney, but I needed to get to New York. Our dear friends Corey and Crystal drove me straight to New York that night. We got there the next morning. We have friends that own a campground in the area and they put us up in a cabin while we got everything in order. The attorney faxed basic custody papers to us so we could atleast have a formal paper in process. Sunday afternoon we picked up Wanda and drove to the hospital. When we got there the birthmother had left, the birthfather had been banned from the maternity ward for starting a fight and our poor baby had no one there.. The nurses walked around with him. They brought him to us and we held him for the first time. What a feeling! It was so incredible! I cried, I remember Don's hands were shaking when he held Cole for the first time. Finally the birthmother came back and we had to track down a Notary so that we could get the documents signed. After hours of searching we finally located someone and they were on their way. The birthfather called while we were sitting there waiting. We could hear him yelling and arguing. He apparently decided he didn't want to give the baby away. We didn't know what to do, we didn't know how to act, what to say. She said she couldn't go through with it. We left the hospital as the Notary was walking in.... drove her and the baby to her mother's house. She stayed there and we then had to drive Wanda and the baby to her house. She wouldn't sign anything and let us take this baby home, but she didn't keep him with her or come to Wanda's with him. We were so confused. We left baffled and heartbroken. Wanda was so sorry. We had no choice we had to leave him behind.
As we drove back to the campground everyone had decorated the cabin with streamers and a bassinet sitting on the porch awaiting our arrival. How hard it was to tell them... we don't have the baby. Everyone just broke down and cried. I stayed there with Don for the next few days, and I called continuously to see how the baby was doing. The birthmother had finally came out and was staying there, but not taking care of "Cole" at all. The birthfather wasn't around at all. It was so frustruating and heartbreaking. But at the end of the week, we drove back to Georgia without our baby.
It was torture. I spoke to Wanda all the time. The baby was not beeing nurtured and it wasn't getting any better. I had to try and let it go, but it was so hard to do.
Five weeks later we recieved a phone call. The "kids" had sat down and talked with Wanda. They decided that they did need to give the baby up for adoption. They signed the paperwork. WOW! Wanda wanted to know how soon we could get there. They had left the baby with her and left. We went right away. Ironically, he was born the weekend of Mother's Day, and we were going to pick him up on my birthday, and the following day was our wedding anniversary. Celebrations all around. We stopped along the way to get diapers, blankets, bottles... our friends at home were trying to get things together for us to come home. We picked up our baby boy and it was incredible! We are so greatful to Wanda and John. What an incredible gift she had given us. We talked about them visiting and our plans for the boys to see eachother as often as possible. We wanted them to have a relationship. We wanted Wanda and John to have a relationship with their grandson.
We took our son, Colton, home to start a new life as a family. What a long emotional ride it was. But the ride has just started. Bumpy as it might be, it was a ride worth taking.

Blessings in Disguise

I never thought that I wasn't suppose to have a child of my own. I never thought that I would be told that I can't. But I also never thought that I had a different purpose in life. Something more powerful than I could ever imagine. I once was asked.. if you didn't have cancer.. would you have considered adopting? I might have, but the opportunities I was blessed with would have never came to me. I was told.. God knew you were to have the 2 children that you have... and he wanted you to get the point.... so... I didn't have my own children.. my children found me. They are a blessing. I can't imagine a greater love and joy than they bring to my life. Through many challenges and my heart aches.. we have two incredible children that are as much my own as anyone who bares a child. They look like us, they act like us... they are the spirits of the children that we would have had if they were biologically ours. I have no doubt in that.