The Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there where two womenWho never knew each other
One you do not remember,The other you call Mother
Two different lives shaped to make yours one;
One became your guilding star,
The other became your sun.
The first gave you Life,
The second taught you to live in it
The first gave you a need for love,
The second was there to give it
One gave you a nationality,
The other gave you a name
One gave youthe seed of talent,
The other gave you aim.
One gave you emotions,
The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile,
The other dried your tears.
One gave you up,It was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child.And god led her straight to you
And now you ask me through your tears,
The age old question through the years;
Heredity or environment....which are you the product of?
Neither,my darling, neither;
Just two different kinds of love.

About Me

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I am an adoptive mother of 2. I was diagnosed with uterine cancer at 26 and after battling for 5 years was unable to have my own biological children. Through blessings and fate my children found me.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Cole




We have had a blast raising Cole. He has his struggles and issues, but he's adorable, lovable and caring. Something I hadn't really mentioned was that Cole's biological mother was a drinker and drug user. We didn't see any physical effects from this and were greatful that other than being premature he was healthy. As time went on and a few years under our belt we realized that he may have a few issues that we would need to deal with. They can't say that it was due to the drinking or drug use, but you always have to wonder. The first thing we realized was that he was struggling with concentrating, staying on task, very hyper. His Pre-K teacher was the first to say that he was really struggling. He always had these little things that were different, like wanting his belts really tight, (we didn't know how he could breath), his shoes had to be tied really tight. He was always a very picky eater. He ran a mile a minute and we just assumed it was just all about being a boy! But when it came to school, it was a problem. Cole was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 5 and we struggled with the idea of meds or no meds. We didn't want to put him on medication, didn't want him labeled. We didn't want him to have to deal with this at all, but it was what it was. We tried different herbal remedies out there, and researched anything we could to try and help him, but.. once in Kindergarten, it was uncontrollable. He was in trouble every day, he was struggling to learn, comprehend and he came home every day crying that he hated school. I remember crying and saying, "How can I have a 5 year old that hates school already?" Our hearts ached for him and we felt so helpless. We finally decided to try medication for Cole and we also changed to a different teacher that had more experience with children with the struggles like Cole had. He was maturity wise, behind and socially he struggled. Kids can be so mean. He wanted everyone to like him and would act out, clown around to get their attention. From what I have learned this isn't unusual in ADHD children. He improved, and the teacher did pass him through Kindergarten, but his progress was very minimal and we decided that it would be best for him to repeat Kindergarten and gain some more maturity. He did well then next year not perfect but we don't expect perfection. His teacher understood his little querks and allowed him to be himself as long as he wasn't disrupting anyone else. He's comical, he talks in all of these different little voices. He makes us laugh alot!
The thing with meds is there is always side effects. Cole's struggles were mainly weight and night terrors. We finally changed his meds around and that seemed to help mostly with the night terrors. He's a beanpole it's been and still is a struggle to get him to eat. You never know what will work and you just have to be patient to see if changing the meds is a good or bad move for your child. He was also put on medication to help him deal with anxiety. We finally seemed to find a balance and things were going well.
In the middle of 1st grade we moved from Georgia to Indiana. Once there we were confronted with the difference in education. They were already reading and so far ahead of where they were in Georgia, he started off struggling. He had a great teacher who worked with him relentlessly and he was getting there. With alot of effort and hard work, he was catching up. 2nd grade was about the same, a little behind and a few behavioral issues but we all survived. We were referred to a NeuroPsycholigist to verify what we truly were dealing with after a couple downslides with his meds. We then found out that Cole also was dealing with dyslexia, and was borderline Asperger's Syndrome. This is a form of Autism, that effects their social skills and comprehension.
We had a rough start to 3rd grade and we found that he wasn't getting the full effect from his meds anymore so we have changed them up again. He's doing better so far and only time will tell. He's such a sweet boy, overlooking those pre-teen attitude moments. He loves dinosaurs, reptiles and sharks. He says he's going to move to Australia when he grows up and be like Steve (crocodile hunter). He can give you facts about these animals like a encyclopedia. He cracks us up! We love him dearly, and can't imagine our lives with out him.

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